Hugs as a Means of Transportation 🫂✨

I've discovered an unexpected archive of wisdom and insight hiding in plain view - just beyond the edge of conscious thought. A tender phenomenon that has sharply caught my attention during recent hangouts with friends. 

Not too long ago, we were gathered at a hilly park in the early evening (or late afternoon, take your pick) to celebrate the engagement of two dear friends. It was a very pleasant time, and the occasion was naturally radiant. As soon as the sun bid us fair-well, we flipped it off, packed up the celebratory materials and left (just kidding, we didn’t flip the sun off, we’re chill).

Once all was stored and distributed in back-seats & trunks, under the silky shade of dusk, those who stayed behind gathered round’ the small parking lot to say our goodbyes. After some pleasant lingering to allow the flames of socializing to settle, we went in for final hugs.

As I made my rounds with each friend, I noticed something wonderful. Something that felt pretty profound in its simplicity. 

Our hugs… they were qualitatively different now from when we first met; Longer. Tighter. Softer.

And this recognition just sort of catapulted me into a vivid reflection — as if I had stepped onto the private-public transport of our shared cosmology.

The hug told a story — and how much it said!

It sent me through a warm, fuzzy flash into a time-lapse of the history of our friendship.

From the first hang outs; the awkward stage of mutual excitement and trepidation, when there’s a palpable feeling of kinship laden in the clumsy eagerness to connect — as if you've known each other throughout lifetimes, but are still strangers in this one. 

Flashing forward through the shared trips under starlit skies, coffee shop philosophizing, game nights and beach days, birthday surprises and quiet evenings, wilderness adventures and jam sessions, festivals where we lose and find ourselves again, holiday dinners away from family where we create our own traditions and — 

The challenges. 

The soaring gains and crushing losses. Those moments of difficulty, of heartbreak, of grief, of change. Where one is eventually faced with taking that step into the precipice — that massive risk — to unfasten our armor and trust that we will be caught in our most vulnerable — the soft, chewy center of the tootsi pop (yeah idk how I feel about this analogy either). Where we prepare to reveal those things that we’re most afraid or ashamed of. The deeper wounds; the private details behind the persona. 

And, if we're lucky, discovering the feeling of home, when we're bestowed with that which is so rare and precious: someone's genuine consideration. Their loving attention.

All of this was contained and expressed, without a single utterance, through the simple act of holding one-another. Our bodies revealing something that only seldom do my thoughts entertain. A testament to a journey from strangers to… something else. An alchemical act — a transmutation — a tangling of souls. Like milk mixing with coffee, creating beautiful patterns along the way (well, at least I think they're pretty). Something that, no matter how much we’d like to expedite, only time can make — or bake, like home-made sour dough. 

Mmmm, bread.

And you know...

There's actual research behind hugs and their potential benefits, if we want to get all utilitarian about it: "The 20-Second Rule" (I don't think that's the actual term hahaha). The idea is that a hug needs about 20 seconds to work its full magic. That's when our bodies release oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone" or "love hormone”, which helps reduce cortisol levels (linked to stress), lowers blood pressure, and increases feelings of trust, calm and connection. This is why some therapists even recommend "mindful hugging" or holding someone for at least 20 seconds to really allow both people to relax and feel supported.

(But please make sure you have consent before cuddling someone for 20+ seconds).

Now, beyond the fun sciency facts; the experience of this is what’s truly mesmerizing. There is much wisdom in the body from which we can learn sooo much about ourselves (and our relation to others), and I just found this whole thing really touching — Ha! Get it? Pun wasn’t intended at first, but now it is!

And, the best thing is, you can experience this for yo’ self! See what stories your body tells you. Who can you hug for more than 20 seconds? You’ll notice right away that a whole world is revealed. No words needed. 

In our increasingly virtual lives, 

I’ve found it valuable to remember 

the magic of touch.

xoooxooo

Julen