Unfortunately, today I want to explore an annoyingly elusive concept⌠a concept that's as slippery as an eel (not that Iâve ever gotten the chance to hold one of those) â I'm talking about the 'Self'. It's a bit like trying to nail jelly to a wall. I donât really know if Iâm entirely equipped for such a monumental undertaking, so lets take it slow and just have fun with it, ok? OK?!Â
Ok, good.
This term â Self (yes, with capital âSâ) â is one responsible for much debate, perplexity and confusion. And look, letâs just acknowledge right off-the-bat the futility of truly talking about it. Let us take a moment to recognize the limitations of language and the impossibly slippery landscape of semantics â especially for such a colossal concept as the âSelfâ! trying to pin it down is like trying to catch a greased-up sumo wrestler on an ice rink... a bit of an odd metaphor, but whatever. Hope you get the picture.
With that out of the way...Â
As a self myself, it is one of my (non)objects of greatest fascination. There are some who talk about the non-existence of self, like in Buddhist circles (Anatman), while frameworks like IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy uses this term as a sort of psychological anchor point. And I imagine there are innumerable other interpretations of this word, but letâs keep our investigation to these two.
Letâs explore both the âpositiveâ and ânegativeâ conceptions of âSelfâ â and by negative/positive, I donât mean morally, but in the philosophical sense of understanding something by what it is (positive)Â versus understanding by what it isnât (negative). Think of it as examining either the subject or the empty space in a picture.
First, the 'Self' as an âanchor-pointâ (our positive exploration): Ever found yourself watching your own reactions as if you were a spectator at your own drama? There's this witness, seemingly immovable, calmly observing the emotional storm around it. I've been there, mid-argument, emotional chaos reigning supreme, yet thereâs this 'neutral observer' in me, curious, just watching⌠like a creep⌠hahaha jk â I love you âSelfâ, Iâm just joshing.
This type of experience was validated when I began to read up a bit on IFS, where the term âSelfâ is used to depict the central psychological element that is inherently balanced and resourceful. It's distinct from the various 'parts' or sub-personalities within an individual's mind. The âSelfâ (in IFS) isn't swayed by extreme emotions or thoughts and is key in coordinating and harmonizing these parts for mental well-being and integration â now, Iâm not going to get too into the weeds of IFS (partly because it would be too long, though mostly because I am, by no stretch of the imagination, an expert), but simply reporting from personal experience, this way of understanding whatever that psychological phenomenon is, seems to be very useful and effective for therapeutic breakthroughs, which is why itâs caught my attention.Â
IFS is a very interesting branch of therapy. Itâs a way of coming into dialogue with one-self, and building trust within oneâs internal family system of which the âSelfâ (in this use of the word) plays a key role for fluid communication and acts as a mediator. Worth checking out if you're into self-exploration nâ stuff.
On the other, Buddhist hand â and still as a matter of personal experience â the âSelfâ is more like an illusion⌠itâs nothing, or perhaps everything.Â
The analogy of a person being a whirlpool is very useful here. A whirlpool is an identifiable pattern which we can point at, yet by itâs very nature is constantly flowing, itâs very shape is due to the continuous stream of water.
This point was made apparent during my meditation session this morning. For the most part, my meditations are mainly characterized by an extreme wondering of attention â a bit of a mad house. But today, for whatever reason â perhaps I got up from bed and set my foot two inches to the left as the crow outside my window spotted a shiny necklace â I was able to get an embodied glimpse at the ânon-existenceâ of âSelfâ.
In paying close attention, no matter where I âlookedâ, everything was constantly appearing and passing away just as swiftly. Everything in motion, my breath, my heart beating, itches and body aches, the sounds in the environment⌠my thoughts⌠everything coming by itself from who knows whence, going to who knows where, all âof itâs own accordâ. It became apparent that âIâ was no different than a song. A symphony comprised of experiences. Or maybe even a single note â which seems like a continuous unity, but upon close inspection would reveal itâs oscillatory nature, the crests and troughs, ceaselessly vibrating. That was (is) me. The collection of all these experiences, but not one thing or experience in particular⌠Itâs a beautiful paradox. And itâs only a paradox, of course, if you think about it.
When the meditation teacher broke through the silence via my phone's tiny but mighty speakers and asked: âwhat are you, really?â A response effortlessly sprung to mind: âa mysteryâŚâ
Again, to be clear, we ought not to get too hung up on language. The term âSelfâ is only useful in the context of itâs respective âlanguage gameâ (as Wittgenstein might say). I am not trying to talk about the âone and only Selfâ, as if what we just did was explore the same concept from different angles, rather, we explored different ways this term is used to represent âxâ.
Both uses of this word can yield very interesting results by opening avenues of inquiry and experiential investigation into the nature of being. I would definitely encourage and invite you to try it out for yourself.
Whether through the lens of IFS or Buddhismâs âAnatmanâ, the fact remains, we are a total mystery, and there is an infinite wealth yet to be uncovered on our journey to self-discovery and the cultivation of wisdom.Â
This is really good, thank you! âŚI believe that every day we can learn (like now in this amusing blog of yours) ways to be with everything that is inside and outside ourselves and for the sake of our own human experiences. :)